I've made it a habit of trying to breakdown my screwy mindset with this whole losing weight process. I know that I can achieve my goal physically (because I got went from 240-215 during the summer of 2005), but I feel that something needs to click mentally before I can get back to that.
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| Summer of '05 after my first 10k race (215 lbs) |
Do I need to have my world rocked by scary, physical statistics about unhealthy I am? Oh wait, I've been there and done that. Maybe I need to do some physical accomplishment so I can realize what I'm capable of if I put my mind to it. What? I've run four half marathons? Darn...
Sometimes I just sit back, throw up my arms and wonder, "So what needs to click?!?"
Well after talking with my wonderful wife this evening, I think I've narrowed down some things. Maybe I'm scared and intimidated by the lifestyle changes I'd have to endure in order to reach my goal. Could it be that my innate desire to be comfortable and inconvenienced supersedes my desire to put in the work to lose 75 pounds?
Let's hope not.
Does the bad food really taste that good? Nope. Do I lack support and encouragement not only from family members, but also from those who have accomplished last weight loss before me? Not at all! Am I just being a lazy wuss who doesn't want to "work too hard" to accomplish not only a wanted goal, but a NEEDED one? Now we might be onto something...
Every day that passes is one day closer to my 'goal date' - I need to be making better use of these days!
Me. Gym. 6 a.m. tomorrow morning.
5 comments:
At least you're staying accountable!
Change is hard! Good job for thinking about what's really holding you back.
For me, I think it's often about weighing the "sacrifice" today for my longer term goal. Each daily 'sacrifice' is a step away from achieving my goal, but I still struggle with each day's decision.
Sometimes, when I'm struggling, I think about these questions:
Why am I holding on to this weight? Is it masking something else with which I do not want to deal (thus, having to deal with the weight issue puts the other difficult issue on the back burner)? What is it benefiting me by staying where I am (what's the pay off from this behaviour)?
It can be about a fear of failure as well as a fear of success. Sometimes, we don't trust ourselves to be able to handle what comes our way.
A few days ago, a co-worker commented about how I'm just "disappearing" and for the next few days after that, I was just in a mood to eat everything not nailed down (more than usual, that is). So the positive attention was a bit unnerving, I think.
Do you ever get that feeling like you don't 'deserve' the successful feeling that accompanies weight loss? I have to give my head a shake when I start to get that feeling that with such great success on the scale, I've crossed over into a no-fly zone, like someone is going to come over a PA system saying, "Warning! Warning! You are in a restricted area. Leave immediately!" Sometimes, it's like I've tried to rise above my 'position' in life, as a the overweight one. Trying to join the ranks of the slim and weight-problem-less crosses some imaginary line, when you don't believe you deserve it/are worthy of living a new kind of life.
Maybe these are not things that go through your mind. Maybe I'm just the weird one.
But just know that you're really truly not alone with feeling that this process of changing yourself is challenging.
Keep your chin up!
Hello! I found your blog via the Chicago Running Bloggers Blog List. I am enjoying looking around your blog. It seems to me like even if you realize or not, you thinking about taking action is you taking a step forward! Keep going and you'll get where you want to be sooner or later!
Check out my blog-I go through the same things constantly! www.livehalffull.wordpress.com
As I read this I felt like I had written it. You hit the nail on the head, homeboy! We HAVE to do this. You look great in that picture. Go get 'em tiger!
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